As human beings we've always had a system in place wherewe could try out our ideas, discuss them with other people and learn by thinking out loud. First, we had the tribe and elders. Then we had the extended family, then just the family unit. However, in our modern times all of these structures have weakened or largely disappeared. So what is left to us? Who can we talk to besides ourselves?

The modern equivalent and replacement for all of these systems is the coach. In a recent survey of coaches and coaching clients, the coach was valued first and foremost as a sounding board. It's quite true that sometimes we only realize what we're saying when we hear it coming back to us - and we think to ourselves "did I really say that?"

Many of us are familiar with the use of language and the transformation of meaning through verbal communication. Sometimes we say what we mean and fail to grasp that the meaning has been transferred poorly by our choice of words. And sometimes we speak to ourselves in a way we would never do to someone else. So the coach can be vital in his role as a sounding board.

On occasion, we all need a trusted person to speak to about things that are important to us. Very often we choose a friend, colleague or family member for this purpose. Where the coach fills this role extraordinarily well is as an impartial person to trust and speak to when we are having personal difficulties and those friends, colleagues or family members may be too close to the problem.

And coaching isn’t just for problem situations. It’s a great way to provide guidance and motivation for the achievement of goals, great and small.

Many say that coaches should not give advice and there are several non-directive models for coaching. While this may be a useful attitude to adopt as a coach in some circumstances, it is possible to be so detached and non-directive that it frustrates the client. Coaches need not hang back as they can be provocative and have a great impact on how their clients view their options.

After all, if the coaching relationship were just a chat or an amiable conversation, why would we bother to pay someone for that? And there's no doubt that coaches get paid very well. A conversation within the coaching context should have an impact on the client and open them to learning, new possibilities, new options and greater choice. There's a definite skill to that!

One useful way in which coaches can be provocative is to help people in seeing their blind spots. This, by definition, is something that we cannot do for ourselves. It often requires a lot of sensitivity and good rapport skills for the coach to point out these blind spots in a way that is acceptable to the client. So rapport and calibration are essential to the coach.

In their role as trusted friend and confidant, it is important that the coach is non-judgmental. To a great extent, this may be achieved more easily once the coach has worked through their own issues and come to an understanding of their own blind spots and ‘hot buttons’. Therefore, every coach can benefit greatly by having a coach of their own.

The coach should be a master of communication as it is vital that they are aware of the importance of the language that the client is using and are able to reflect it back to the client. We often reflect on things ourselves, when it would be much more useful to have help seeing other perspectives as a direct human reflection of our attitudes and self-imposed limits.

So the ideal coach is a sounding board, master of communication and sensitive yet provocative in nature whilst being impartial and worthy of trust. They must be attentive and have great rapport and calibration skills in order to be effective as a coach.

Many of these skills are part of the focus of NLP.  All the others can be learned and further developed through experience and practice in order to close the gap that is developing in modern society.

The role of the coach is engaging, challenging and demands excellence.  Are you ready?

©2005 Philip Callaghan

Personal Life Coaching

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